religiousaffections

Reflecting on our time in Raleigh, Wake Forest, and at North Wake Church
Journal on April 28, 2009

We leave for Tampa soon.  I’m sitting at my desk, which is about the only thing in our Wakefield Glenn apartment that isn’t packed, shipped, or dismembered.  As I sit down to take some time to reflect upon the great kindness of God to our family, I am stunned by the grace that has come to me in my first 4 years of my marriage through Jessi, the life of North Wake Church, and through Jeff Doyle.  How radically different my walk with Jesus would be, how totally backwards my marriage might be if it was not for and Jeff, Justin, Glenn and my small group guys’ constant care for my soul.  How can it be that Jesus has been so kind to us here in Raleigh?  Surely I don’t deserve any measure of these beautiful mercies of Christ, but he has chosen to poor it out on Jess and I in spite of us - in spite of me!

I have a feeling that the goodness of Christ to us is not for us, but for those who will taste and see His glory in Tampa, FL.  I could not be so prideful to think that there is anything within me that would merit such a blessed 4 years.  The only thing good in me…is Jesus - and He is the only thing we have to offer the residents of Tampa.  In the chair I now sit in, one that will soon be tossed in the back of a truck - I can see that while these years have been blessed and filled with joy and great growth, they were not ultimately for us, but for those in Tampa that might taste and see Christ in us.  Oh how I see so narrowly most of the time!  These days are bittersweet; they are filled with goodbyes - goodbyes to friends and families that have been nothing short of our own families.

To watch the fruit of sanctification bursting forth in the Ansleys over the last 3 ½ years has been one of the greatest sources of joy in my life here!  From miscarriage, the depths of isolation and despair to two beautiful girls that I love so much I could call my own, a family of friends in a small group, and now leadership!  For the first time, I have experienced the immeasurable joy of watching a family grow in Christ!  For the first time, I have experienced a very real aching in my chest - a pain that comes like a flood when I consider life without this family that has come to mean more to us than Jessi or myself could ever begin to express.  In Glenn I have gained a friend for life, no doubt my closest friend in these 4 years.  And I can’t get started on their girls, but watching them grow and loving them like my own has been one of the greatest privileges of my time here and I know Jessi feels the same.

At the same time I cannot forget the incomparable joy that washed over me when FT called me that day when I was in West Palm.  FT had been called out of darkness and into marvelous light by our great God.  And that He would do so in such a way to show me that no amount of my laboring to share the gospel could have opened FT’s eyes - only the Holy Spirit can save and enlighten the eyes to the truth of the gospel!  And only He can provide growth.  Oh what joy washed over me as I sit on steps at the Kendall’s house!  This was the first time I’d been able to watch a community adopt a guy who was lost, love him like crazy, be faithful to share the gospel with him, and pray for him.  I wouldn’t be surprised if every guy in our small group walked him through the gospel at least once.  And the Lord saw fit to use us!  If someone were to walk in right now they would be curious what this huge grin on my face is all about - it’s about FT.

To sit under Jeff as Timothy did under Paul is an evidence of the grace and mercy of the Lord.  To have gained a lifelong friend and partner in the gospel is more than I could ever have asked for.  It scares me a bit to think about not having Jeff in the corner office just 5 minutes down the road.  Through him God has granted me wisdom and insight beyond my years for marriage, fighting for purity and humility, and equipping the saints.  In Jeff I am reminded that when it comes down to it, I didn’t need discipleship structures - I needed a friend, a Paul.  And now, here I sit as Timothy once did, baton in hand (or in this case a wooden cross we got at the sendoff service), so fresh Jeff’s prints are still all over it.  How will I run the race?  By God’s grace, the same way Jeff has.  By God’s grace maybe I will have the opportunity to run for a brother in the same way that, at times, Jeff has run for me.  As deep-seated as this joy and gratitude for Jeff is in my heart right now, I have a feeling that a couple months into church planting this joy and gratitude will have easily doubled.

Apart from Christ, my marriage is the deepest reservoir of joy in my life because in it we have the privilege of putting the gospel on display for all to see.  It scares me to think of where Jessi and I would be in marriage had we not landed at North Wake.  Though I don’t do it well, I have been mentored strictly in what it looks like to love and serve my bride as Christ has the Church.  In this is a foundation for what we have in our home - great joy and a deep love for one another because Christ has loved us first.  I have come to love a woman more than I ever thought I could.  Our first home is here - this apartment.  It is a place where I find rest and comfort and joy overflowing!  If I am thankful for one thing above all else - it is that we had the privilege to spend our first years of marriage in Raleigh as a part of North Wake Church.  Because with this foundation I feel as if we can go anywhere and weather any season or circumstance because of the firm foundation we stand on.  I love my bride, I love our home here and I will miss this place deeply.

While there is deep sadness in leaving this season of preparation, I know that what Christ desires to do in Tampa is much more important than my comfort and much more majestic than I can picture.  I know that the Lord has great and wonderful blessings, trials, seasons of rejoicing, and seasons of sadness ahead - all to be faced with gospel mindedness so that Jesus receives the glory in it all.  Everything about our life here in Raleigh can only be explained one way.  Because of Christ this has been our story, because of Christ we now go forward.  Now as we go ahead, in trials and great triumph, let us sing praise always to our God who never changes!